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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27531133">a dwindling, mercurial high</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsgameover/pseuds/itsgameover'>itsgameover</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EXO (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, it's barely there but you know</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 06:41:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,000</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27531133</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsgameover/pseuds/itsgameover</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jongdae and Minseok's love affair, sometimes mercurial, sometimes mellow, born in a room full of eyes, always dying in the quaint daylight</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Jongdae | Chen/Kim Minseok | Xiumin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Challenge #10 — Surprise Surprise</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a dwindling, mercurial high</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>title from illicit affairs by taylor swift<br/>words: quaint, mellow, mercurial.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s 11pm, Gangbuk District, the fluorescent lights inside the convenience store are bright enough to blind you if you stare for too long. It’s a little sun just… much colder. Cold like the four bottles of beer he picked from the fridge, placing it in the conveyor belt in front of an apathetic cashier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Minseok gets two frozen pizzas, looks away like he is not part of the deal. Jongdae pays with his credit card. If the cashier notices the Centurion Card she says nothing about it. Better like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walk out of the store like they usually do, enough distance between them to pass as an accident if their hands brush. But Jongdae looks at Minseok, actually sees him for the first time in so long, and smiles when he encounters his sharp eyes, his pouty lips...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Min?” Jongdae whispers and when Minseok turns, he grabs him by the waist and pushes him against the nearest wall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jongdae! Fucking-! Get off!” Minseok complains, pushing him away and frantically looking around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Is it fair for Jongdae to be angry that his idle town early adulthood lover has turned into a much mellower person than what he was back in the days of their youth?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Minseok’s married, arranged by his parents to keep their alliances tight and pretty. She is currently with child, back in the large luxurious penthouse they occupy in the richest district of Seoul, so of course he will be mature. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>(When Minseok says he has never touched his wife, why does Jongdae get the feeling that the child will have Minseok's pointed chin and angled eyes?)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walk in silence after that, moving in a slow pace until they reach the old familiar dirty building, walking up the stairs without even looking at each other. Jongdae opens the apartment’s door and watches Minseok turn on the barely functioning microwave to heat the frozen pizzas. Jongdae offers him a beer and the tension dilutes like paint in the water, slowly but surely, until the coil around their hearts reminds them their souls bear each other’s names. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Minseok says, “I just... we can’t risk it Dae.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jongdae nods, anger tempered by the way Minseok’s fingers slide against his arm, moving up and down slowly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lately it all ends like this, a fight and then an hour of passionate make out until they are both too frustrated, too warm to keep struggling against each other, against the tethered names they bear, and fuck in the faux leather couch of that stupidly cheap apartment they rent in the northern district. It’s a cheap rent for people like them, used to more than five zeros in their expenses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Minseok’s wife is the daughter of a chaebol, Jongdae is a chaebol’s son himself. They are tied to bigger things than their own desires, they belong to the money their parents used to educate them, to buy their apartments and luxury branded clothing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a second round, in the bed that creaks and trembles like it's about to collapse, Minseok kisses Jongdae and walks away without saying goodbye. Or perhaps his kisses are meant to be greetings, Jongdae doesn’t know, but pretends it is. It saves him further heartbreak. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jongdae, come here,” his mother says. The grand inauguration of their fiftieth hotel is a joyous occasion. More so when Jongdae’s best friend, CEO Kim Minseok and his wife have just welcomed their first child, Byulyi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How can I help you, mother?” Jongdae says, with a bright smile. In front of him there is a petite girl dressed in a pink Chanel attire, short skirt and blazer, a pearl hairpin decorating her simple hairdo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you to know someone. Jongdae, my son,” the woman says, putting a hand on the girl’s shoulder, who bows as the older one introduces them, “this is Jennie Kim.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A pleasure to meet you, Miss Kim,” Jongdae bows his head, looking at her with the sour feeling that this is the reason why his mother so desperately wanted him to wear the Armani suit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, call me Jennie,” she says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’ll leave you to it,” his mother says, walking away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jongdae sees out of the corner of his eye the silhouette of Minseok. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He inhales sharply, the man he has always adored steps towards them. Jongdae exhales. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are very beautiful, Jennie,” he tells her, offering his forearm for her to take, starting to walk towards the windows, watching her cheeks turn a little bit red. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he looks over his shoulder, his eyes meet Minseok’s and there is something so alluring about his sad expression that Jongdae has to look away. It’s always like this, Minseok the beacon of light calling Jongdae, burning him when they are too close. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jongdae offers Jennie a drink and she takes it happily. Jongdae pretends he thinks of what a child of this girl would look like, but he is just avoiding at all cost the thought that he saw her speaking with Minseok’s wife, meaning the years to come will see him sharing holidays and businesses with the man he keeps trying to forget, but will always meet back in the cramped apartment that smells of humidity and forbidden love. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you like champagne,” Jongdae says, lingering his hand over hers for a second too long. Maybe she notices, because she bats her eyelashes prettily and blushes. Maybe Minseok notices too, maybe that’s why he walks away. Hopefully, forever. </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the light reflecting on the surface of the old quaint mirror that hangs in the bathroom, Jongdae sees Minseok’s mercurial changes. How he wraps his arms around Jongdae’s middle, how he grinds against his ass so desperately only to still and step back, shaking his head before picking his phone from the nightstand and walking away. Again, not a goodbye, but Jongdae pretends it is, mellowing his need for Minseok with the thought that perhaps, in another life, they can love each other in the light. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>kudos and comments are always appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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